Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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