I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
