Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
