I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
