Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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