Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
