I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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