Sponge bath it is.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
