she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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