at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Green mimosas i think yes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
