my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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