I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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