id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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