Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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