I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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