id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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