please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
