just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
