def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
