I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
