you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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