Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
