I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
