I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
