Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
