thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
