omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
