I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
