I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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