we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
