so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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