i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
