You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
