I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
