Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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