Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
