Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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