you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
