So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Everyone says I win the strip club
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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