If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
