Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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