I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
