I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
