No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.