I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”