Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
