Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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