Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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