I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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