Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
