So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's get the cat blown out
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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