if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
