this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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