3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
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