my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who died my cat blue again?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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