Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize