I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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