He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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