dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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