You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
