I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i drank out of a bidet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
