It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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