I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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