Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
