My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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