Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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