u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
