I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
