I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
