i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
