Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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