All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
