A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
