I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
