Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you win again, gameday.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
