hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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